(photo credit, Thanks! Anonymous Lawson Middle School student, 2008)

The simple act

of checking in with members of this community is very uplifting and makes me feel more connected and aware in class. I had some good talks with fellow students tonight just about the program in general and how we are doing with it. Also, commenting in class is important for our collective sense of belonging and ownership, and not simply being receptors of information. This is a very important lesson for understanding the classroom. We need to create an environment where we are at first inspired to share ideas; past people's, our peers, and also our own. I think I am understanding this as my initial anxiety for returning to the classroom. I had personally never achieved this in a classroom through college and naturally had this view returning. It is for the teacher to create an environment that allows the student to open to it because it makes them feel good and more whole to participate in the sharing of ideas and feelings, thoughts and theories, about all aspects of life and living.

This week started what most people knowledgeable about the weather think is going to be a long spat of rain! I almost wish I hadn't wasted all the water planting everything last summer, but this rain will pretty much assure that everything is going to take successfully without any water this year! I sat outside for a while the other day during the heaviest rain and just watched the rain gutter work. It never got more full than in this picture, even with a good gallon a minute(atleast) pouring out of the gutter that you can see at the top of this picture. I am wondering how long it will take for it to silt up. My guess is several years at least, but for now it's working like a charm and we are making use of so much water that would otherwise collect where it isn't needed.
I also made a make-shift rain catchment with a 35 gallon garbage can on wheels on a down spout in the backyard that I have emptied twice in 4 days! The other down spout in the backward was easily redirected to the base of our orange tree, which is probably really loving the water right now.
This is a low tech solution to things like water shortages, and run-off issues that everyone can do. It's super fun to problem solve, and ultimately it saves money, water, and our wetlands(run-off issues).

Today I was more relaxed

in the classroom, almost too relaxed, since it was my intention to create the conditions that allow me to be easy in the classroom, as if I were subbing. I jumped in on more commenting instead of just listening and thinking my own thoughts. I ate the food I brought from home throughout the 4 hours which probably helped keep blood flowing to my head a little better. One thing I forgot to do from this past week was to bring up the budget issues(districts laying off 12%), and what it means? Fortunately it came up in a round of comments, and the overall feeling was that "[we shouldn't worry because there will always be teaching jobs available. It might not be the right position, but there are jobs.]". But my shop mentor is telling me that they have no idea what they are going to do to meet budget cuts next year. With the 12 percent of teachers who lost their jobs this year, they will likely be required to be the first hired back when possible. So that leaves a pretty bleak outlook for teacher/candidates for the next 3 years. atleast!? And I'm thinking, how much more before the great public stands up in solidarity and uproar at how we are treating our teachers? This is not even a Job issue at first. It is equal parts Education issue, System issue, and our Democratic principles at play in the wrong direction; break down.

My presentation group

thought that we would present today but it was one of those classic saved-by-the bell moments, we didn't have to go. I felt like I was in primary school again. I was terrified about getting up in front of class to give my presentation. This strikes me as odd for several reasons since I feel the most comfortable stepping into a classroom full of middle school students 15 minutes before I am going to implement a lesson plan as a substitute for the day. There I feel alive, creative, social, and playful. I don't get this nervous even on days when I have created the curriculum.
Tonight's anxiety had something to do with the fact that I am trying to speak about something that I have not yet developed a strong conviction for, and hadn't put enough thought into. but I am going to turn the tides on this one a little bit now that I have the time. I will remake my slides and presentation. I will find in this week break, the energy that I know I exhibit under certain conditions. I will create those conditions. Sometimes it will be uncomfortable, sometimes it could even head me towards tricky situations, but I must be honest with myself. Education is teaching through showing, creating the environment for revelation together.

I left class feeling frustrated and disheartened. This started earlier in the afternoon as I was grappling with my own seeming inability to process and boil down assigned reading and dropping the ball on my group and individual work. Later on this frustration turned to the education system in general and my seeming inability to adhere to it's demands both systemic/adminsitrative and academically.